Ethical Companies – The Blog

I just learned today that Alex “Hurricane” Higgins, the bad boy of snooker, has died:

How the hurricane finally blew himself out: How Alex Higgins’s charisma was matched only by his talent for violent self-destruction.

I’m a bit of a former snooker anorak myself on the quiet and have played for a local team etc.  My father was a pretty good snooker player as well, and even played John Spencer (a former world champion) once.  Alex Higgins was a character, and a damn good snooker player.  Ok he was also a drunkard and a chain smoker ….  RIP Alex, I aspired to be as good a player as him.

Steve

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The trouble with men.

1 They believe house fairies (ie us) do all the washing-up and laundry, take the rubbish out and replenish stocks.

Ok I don’t do the laundry but my weekly wash is half the size of the wife’s, I’m low maintenance by comparison. I do take rubbish out, in fact I don’t recall the last time anyone else in the house actually emptied the kitchen bin (it’s like the Simpsons episode where they staple items on rather than take it out). As for washing up I love my dishwasher

2 They expect praise having completed a tiny task (despite taking ages over it).

Praise ? Round here ? Dream on.

3 They suffer from sporadic blocked nostril syndrome — the inability to smell their own bodily odours, foul bins or blocked sinks — but are sniffer dogs when you’ve drunk too much white wine or there’s a roast in the oven.

I don’t have bodily odours. As for “off” food I’m the only one who ever spots it, or smelly bins etc.

4 They jump in with fix-it solutions when we just want to be heard — they don’t seem to understand we like whingeing.

Well try a disclaimer then “this is just a whinge, feel free to ignore me”.

5 They are incapable of thinking beyond the next week and arranging holidays/fun things for us to do. Closely linked to…

Let me see who organised our wedding, every single holiday and God knows what else ? Clue: It’s not my wife.

6 Datelexia: an inability to remember (or care about) things we’ve planned. Ditto birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine’s.

Jean doesn’t know when we got married, day or month or year. She probably couldn’t even tell you where it was (it’s tomorrow if you’re reading this, March 27th).

7 They get all our friends’ children’s/partners’ names wrong, even the ones we’ve just seen.

Yeah right I don’t think so. If I’ve forgotten someone’s name it’s usually because I don’t like them not because they’re Jean’s friend.

8 They are reluctant to go to bed, always finding a distraction in television, computers and faffing.

Guilty, sometimes.

9 They “suffer” from man flu and shameless hypochondria.

Wrong, I haven’t had flu for 20 years.

10 They spend our savings on platinum noise-cancelling headphones and other ridiculous, expensive gadgets.

Computers possibly. Oh and £150 on a TomTom which paid for itself because it tells me where the speed cameras are

11 They “shower snork” — clearing their nose in the shower.

Doesn’t everybody ?

12 They leave bachelor-style coin pile-ups everywhere.

Mine are in a jar.

13 They have zero patience for shopping except when it’s for them, which they pursue with clinical OCD.

I admittedly don’t like shopping (in shops), use Amazon, it rocks.

14 They spend hours on the loo. Can it be that arduous ?

Uh huh, no I don’t. Jean can’t go without “having a fag” first and as for David you could read War And Peace while waiting for him to get out of the toilet.

15 They send cryptic texts because they haven’t given them enough (any) thought.

I don’t do texts, I’m 45 not 15.

16 They always seem to want to break their necks skiing.

Never had the slightest desire to ski, ever, and that’s despite having lived in Austria for a time. Or skate or anything else sporty and dangerous (I do quite like pool and snooker).

17 They assume highway restrictions do not apply to them. “You can’t be banned unless you’re more than 30mph over the limit.” So that’s 99mph all the way down the M40, then.

I have to say the following: 1) If you do 70mph on a motorway you’re likely to be one of the slowest on there (not counting lorries, coaches or the M6) 2) Car speedometers are hopelessly inaccurate, the one on your TomTom is accurate.

18 Their “quick drink” brings them back, wasted, at 4am (and, apparently, also turns their mobile off).

I drink 2 units …. Not a night, not a week, about 2 a month usually. Ok, possibly not true but I don’t go out drinking. I can be tempted to a bottle of Jagermeister now and again though.

19 They are conflict-avoidant, preferring to let issues stew.

Hardly surprising considering the potential reaction.

20 They belch loudly and proudly in public (and private).

Natural body functions. I wouldn’t do it at work though.  Ditto farting.

21 They never make the bed — “it needs to air”.

Guilty. But it’s just a few pillows and a duvet, it’s hardly a 30 minute job is it ?

22 They hog the telly.

Jean spend her life watching the following: Dog Whisperer, The End Of My Leash, It’s Me Or The Dog, Top Gear (yeah I know, perhaps she fancies Richard Hammond), Shed Channel, The Caravan Show. If I so much as want to watch the cooking channel I get abuse

23 They worship their mother, believing she is perfect and talking about her way too much.

No.

24 They lust after anything with bare legs and large breasts.

Red hair maybe …. Seriously large breasts are not essential. Gillian Anderson is of course still the sexiest woman on the planet

25 They believe Cheryl Cole is 100% natural.

I believe Cheryl Cole has the sex appeal of a dead slug, she does nothing for me; and if that’s natural then I’m hung like Ron Jeremy

This article has been blogged in a couple of places and until I chose to resist commenting.  But seriously, could you imagine the reaction and criticism if we had a similar article about women ?  Also, I thought the Times was a “serious” newspaper ?  This article shouldn’t even be worthy of being published by the Times.

Steve

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